3 Years after Diagnosis:: The Struggle Bus is Real

...3 Years after Diagnosis::

The Struggle Bus is Real

I laid this journey down for one too many reasons.  I thought for sure I was going to conquer this thing.  I now had all the answers and knew exactly how to send this beast into remission.  Then I realized something immediately.  This lifestyle change wasn't attainable... Not only was it very expensive, I lacked one thing: willpower.

If I told you now that suddenly I have found it, it would be a flat out lie.  I had a doctor look me square in the face and tell me all the things wrong with my body. She told me my adrenals were all out of wack. She explained that my body lacked so many things it needed to function properly and that I'd have to take medications and supplements, yada yada...  I walked away from her office feeling defeated before I had even begun.  I hid that well... for a while.  

I rushed to the pharmacy and filled my prescription.  I bought a couple of the supplements she reccommended.  I ate really well, you know, a diet for Hashi's, which lasted a week and a half...

I decided to blog about it, hold myself accountable, and spread the news. Until one day, I just couldn't.  Once day, the silent, gradual thief of my life began hiding again. I went to bed one evening, about 3 weeks after taking the medication.  Wrapped my arms around myself (as I often do) to sleep and felt a lump  on the far left side of my left breast. Immediately I sat up in bed... terrified.  I was alone that night, but sent a message to my sister right away.  Freaking out and panicking is not my nature... but I was crying.  This lump felt very round and about the size of a golf ball.  Having studied anatomy through college and after examining both sides, I knew it was definitely not there before.  I made an appointment to get a mammogram right away.  They basically told me it was fluid built up. Never gave me follow up as to why it was there or what to do.  

Fast forward to another month later... I had stopped taking the thyroid meds after they ran out... I wasn't feeling right...groggy, disoriented, and moody.  Once I stopped taking them I noticed that I felt my "normal" again.  I was always tired...but I attributed that to never stopping in my day to relax. I wasn't moody, I wasn't over-obsessing, stressing, and feeling cloudy.  One night I curled back up in a ball with my arms around me, and noticed the biggest change of all... the lump was gone.

I had explained to at least 4 doctors since the age of 21 that thyroid meds make me ill.  They paralyze me...keep my from doing anything.  My body can't take them. It throws my thyroid off so bad that I can barely move, breathe, or function.  I get migraines, flu-like symptoms, and feel like vertigo is about to set in.  They all...every one of them... have laughed at me.  

So... naturally, I have no idea whether said lump was from this alternative thyroid med or not...but I refuse to risk taking a pharmaceutical drug ever again for it.  It's been 3 years and I am lump free. 

However... chronic fatigue, dry skin, obesity, and the constant mental battle continues.  I wake up every day and feel like I am cranking up an old rusty 1925 Studebaker Special. I keep it moving because I know what will happen if I don't.  I just want to feel new again, healthy again...I have a pretty cool immune system, but this other stuff... sucks. I battle the slope between anxiety about my health and financial well being.  Kicking this thing in the rear will cost me more than time and energy.  

The Bottom Line:

I can overcome this. I can send it into remission.  I can change how I feel. While there is no set cure for Hashimoto's and I will sit on the struggle bus with this diagnosis for the rest of my days...I know these things:: Pharmaceutical drugs are not the answer.  To make things worse, my insurance won't cover an endocrinologist in my area who can really dissect the roots of the issues I have, nor do I have the time or patience to follow them all to a T right now.  So while it may take me a while to figure out what works for me, every journey is different.  Mine will take a lot of hard work and dedication.  I keep praying that willpower will kick in.

Until then... I will fight for other lives and hopefully fighting for mine will become second nature.
#strugglebus #hashimomfighter #hashimotosthyroiditis